Last night I got literally dumped by a friend on Facebook. This was a coworker of mine whom I had dated very briefly and in the last two years have become fairly close friends, and spend every morning getting coffee and having breakfast (usually breakfast burritos or sandwiches that I would bring in). That's been our time to talk and catch up on things. We even joke that we are work spouses and really fit the description*. We've had our arguments and boundaries needed to be reset... as we had had an intimate relationship before.
In these two years I have been a constant sounding board for her and her problems with her dysfunctional relationship with her very needy and high maintenance girlfriend. Their relationship is really on the rocks and she recently has been seeing a counselor about these issues and has been coming to some realizations about some things.
We were talking yesterday, as usual... everything seemed normal and she was telling me about her last session with the couples counselor (she went solo that time) and just everything that was going on, and I also shared what happened over the weekend and some stuff about moving to Florida within the next year.
All seemed good and I left for Capitola about 9am, but then when I got in from a surf session around 6pm I found this message sent to me from her on Facebook (I changed her name for obvious reasons):
"Hey, It's really hard to say this but, I have to do it this way. We can't be friends anymore on FB nor outside of work. I can't have you bring me coffee nor food every day even though I really appreciate it. It is to hard for me to say to everyone that there is nothing going on between us when I see you everyday,it seems like we are together. And in fact were not together, actions speak louder than words. We have had this conversation several times but it seems like we still go back to the same routine. So please understand were I am coming from. I need to focus on me and not create more drama for myself. So I am cutting off our friendship.
Please understand that I have to do this for myself and for no one else. Please do not talk to me about this at work what so ever. If you want to talk than we can schedule a time to talk but definitely not at work. You are a great friend but unfortunately we can no longer be friends. "
--Kristy =( sorry!!
My friends say that it sounds like therapy talk and I have to agree. She's drawing boundaries, but I think she's doing it with the wrong person. Her girlfriend would go ballistic if she ever tried this on her. Keep in mind, her and I are not just acquaintances, I'm a very trusted friend and we have a lot of inside jokes and laugh a lot. We also work together. I think her issues with her girlfriend just got projected onto me.
Why would I want to schedule a time to talk? What more can I say? She just told one of her most trusted, reliable friends that we can't be friends...."You are a great friend but unfortunately we can no longer be friends. " - I just don't understand. And to do it on Facebook and then unfriend me. That's tact for you!
*Work spouse definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Work_spouse