Monday, August 06, 2007

The Situation

I've been back from my vacation now for about two weeks. It's been an extremely exhausting homecoming. The emotional roller coaster I've been on has just worn me out, but I have been able to do activities that have been making things a bit easier.

A little background on the situation: I starting seeing a girl at the end of June. She had just gotten out of a 5 year long relationship (a month previous) with a woman who had basically kicked her, and her 10 year old daughter out of their home. So they, the girl I was seeing and her daughter, moved into her sisters house, to which they were, at the time moving out of at the end of July. Basically, I started dating someone fresh out of a long, committed relationship, with a 10 year old, who has no where to live. Yes, definitely a recipe for disaster. It started off great, good communication... where we were and wanting to get to know one another... taking things slow. We'd talk on the daily basis and speak candidly, honestly, and openly about many things, especially about our relationship.

The day before the 4th of July, her ex went a little ballistic, making threats and causing a ton of drama. Right after, I get a phone call from my girl saying all we could be right now is friends and that she didn't want to get into a relationship, which was fine, although we had already started doing girlfriend type things like kissing, holding hands, and sleeping together in the same bed (no sex at this point). I understood, but she was teetering saying "Friends, hug and kiss each other on the cheek, right?" and I told her I was just going to let the relationship flow whatever direction it naturally went. Well, the 4th came and I ended up kissing her under a sky full of fireworks going off and ended up sleeping over her place. We were pretty inseparable for the next few days and finally were intimate for my weekend stay at her place. I had such a wonderful time with her in the past weeks and we were having a lot of fun together.

That Monday she ran into the ex at the coffee shop she frequents and told her that she was seeing someone (meaning me of course). Everything was fine, until a couple days later she was refusing to hug or kiss me just outside of our work place, saying that everyone was teasing her each time I called. She refuse my affections because she didn't want them to have anything to talk about. I was pretty irritated. Later that evening I got the "we can only be friends" talk again. She said she was having trouble focusing on what she had to do (spend time with her daughter, find a place to live, or find a job in Orange County, so she could move there with her aunt). So, no more kissing and no more sex, because it was all clouding her judgement. Not sure if she was feeling like she being locked into another relationship so quickly.

Well, she was running out of time, and I was going on vacation to Kauai. We were still talking daily for the most part, and she offered to take me to the airport. We ended up kissing as she was dropping me off. When I was on vacation we didn't really talk a whole lot. Some days I didn't hear from her at all, some days we'd talk for awhile. Her parents were in town and she was helping her sister move out of their house, so I figured she was just busy. She had offered to pick me up from the airport when I returned home, which she did.

Since I have been back, it's been pretty down hill. She's called me a few times, but we haven't really spoken since (I mean have a meaning conversation - just very basic stuff). We don't speak at all outside of work. I was pretty frustrated one day and cornered her. I wanted to know what was going on and she basically said she was just "busy" and that she's going through a hard time. She still needed a place and she was still moving into a friend's house temporarily. She said she needs to spend time with her kid, and doesn't really have time for herself, much less anyone else. What can I say to that? What can I do but just step out of the picture? Which is what I did.

I wrote her letter, telling her where I stand and that'll be around. I haven't called her or txt'd messaged her in about a week. She called me at work to tell me a friend of mine dropped off something for me and we talked for a little bit yesterday after she got off of work. However, I ran into her today... she was with a coworker of ours and she was short and in hurry and rushed. It's so day to day with her, and it's just been tiring emotionally.

So, that's my tale of what's been going on in my life for the last month and an a half. I have no idea what's going to happen. She still, at this point in time hasn't got a place and the possibility of her moving to Orange County is still there. I guess i have to let it be and go on with things I want to pursue.

Good thing I just discovered the fun of Standup Paddleboarding! It's been the one thing keeping my mind off my current situation with this girl. SPB is a great core workout and is just plain fun on a flat day when there is no surf! I've been obsessed with obtaining all the equipment for doing this (basically an 8' paddle and floaty board). Luckily my friends have been kind enough to share theirs!

I'm really into this and I can't wait to have my own stuff! It's so great to have something new


cooper said...

LEIGH: I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. Relationships of any kind are emotionally draining but this kind of relationship must be ever the more so.

i want to say mean things to this girl.
yes I am a kid at heart.

I could certainly use a core work-out. I have to due with running for now.

Don't be a stranger.

Paula the Surf Mom said...

Just remember those famous word of that wise guru J Giles... sometimes LOVE STINKS

Miz BoheMia said...

I'm with Cooper on this. I want to say very mean things to this girl and then some.

I am so sorry to hear of the heartache you have been going through... whether they are long lansting or not, relationships are draining to say the least and to love is to truly put yourself at risk and when they don't go well, ay! I wish I could give you a HUGE hug!

Wait a minute! I can! :-)

So if ever you are gonna be in SF, let me know and I will send you my phone numbers (home and cell!)!!!

AAAAAAHHHHH! I cannot wait to meet you my dear! It has been a total rollercoaster ride for us, still is, and though we are ecstatic to be back home I can definitely sympathize with you when it comes to tough times and if ever you need a friend, well now I can truly say here I am!

Hope the healing is going well and ooooh on the core work-out FO SHO! I wanna try that!

Besos and all my love!

Sharkbait said...

Grrr. People suck, don't they?

Leigh said...

Coop - I would like to say some words to her too, but then I end up looking selfish. Nothing wrong with running! Hope you can get to the water soon!

Paula - lol, love only stinks when it isn't working for you!

Miz B - Yeah... love is always a risk and has no guarantees. At least I had some good times though. I am so very glad you are back in California!! I will email you my #'s and maybe we can chat and figure out when would be best to meet up! I definately want you to get settled and have some time to get adjusted! Let's talk soon though! BESOS!!!

Sharkbait - sometimes they do

weirsdo said...

Sorry to hear that, Leigh. I'm glad you are not letting yourself be jerked around at present, and the new sport looks like a lot of fun.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Awww, hon, sending some love your way. This is such a tough situation to go through.

And don't worry about looking selfish, either. She's got her shit, you've got yours, too, to deal with. She at least owes you a chance to have your say. That "just friends" back-n-forth is way frustrating.

Beach Bum said...

I was emotionally drained just reading that. Then again, I'm a shallow Beach Bum who's a bloke - so what can you expect?

Leigh said...

Weirsdo - The new sport has been keeping my focus, so it's been very positive!

Jason - Thanks Jason... yeah, the frustration just gets tiring. I've kept my peace to the day and just plan on doing so. I don't want to feed into the drama.

Beach Bum - lol I guess not a whole lot...

greg johnson said...

noone cares about your boring, stupid dyke life. how perfectly banal and trite. your grammar is horrendous, your personal life about as interesting as erosion. you are just a self-absorbed little girl who noone paid enough attention to. grow up. noone cares. chicks can't surf. even the "good" ones suck.